I am in a vortex of obligation.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
