Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
