i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
