nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
