tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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