If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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