My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
