I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So gin and wine won't be happening again
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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