I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
