it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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