I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
