if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
