so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
