So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What a dumb baby whore.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
