It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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