jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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