all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
