And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
