i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
