Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
