omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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