he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
