I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
