I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
