oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
