He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
