I wannas sexs uuuuu
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
