How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
