At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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