you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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