Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
