i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
