I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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