no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
