I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
