Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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