sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
