this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
