In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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