we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
