Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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