The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I believe in your delicious
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
