forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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