i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
