Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
