I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
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