Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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