dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
