I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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