Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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