Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
