I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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