This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
